You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
