there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
