He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm passing your future prison.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
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