420 ftw
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
