I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
