hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
