Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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