So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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