You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
