she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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