My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
