No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
