Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
