there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
