Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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