oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
