I'm so fucking centered right now
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
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he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
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I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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