Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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