Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I need to calm my uterus...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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