one word: firstdatebathroomanal
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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