It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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