She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
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Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
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Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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