Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
