oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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