Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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