I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
