btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
