took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
