and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
