big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
