Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
