I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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