hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
