This house was built for laser tag.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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