3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Duck Duck Cougar?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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