Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
