margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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