dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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