now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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