What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
