I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
