I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
