You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
