grandma shit on top of the toilet
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
