Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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