Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
