Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
