Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
