My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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