Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
