When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
