you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
