I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize