Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize