Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
