I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
