I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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