I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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