you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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