The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
