please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
