bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
