Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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