i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
