sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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