I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
