I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Randomize
