my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize