google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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