Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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