i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
