I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
