I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
