OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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