you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
What a dumb baby whore.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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