I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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