end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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