So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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