Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm eating all of the evidence.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
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He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
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i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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