so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
