Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
